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How to stop being a people-pleaser and step out of the shadows

Jaz Ampaw-Farr, motivational coach, leadership expert and Speaker of the Year award winner reveals how you can stop being a people-pleaser to friends, colleagues and complete strangers to take back control of your time, energy and focus to do more of the things you love
Jaz Ampaw-Farr
Jaz Ampaw-Farr

Jaz Ampaw-Farr is an award-winning motivational speaker and leadership, resilience, wellbeing and diversity coach. She is a former literacy advisor and stand-up comedian, and appeared as a candidate in series nine of the BBC’s The Apprentice. Her book Because of You, This is Me, which celebrates the vital role educators have in instilling ambitious resilience both in their learners and themselves, is out in January 2024. She lives in Milton Keyes, England. Follow her on X and Instagram. Visit jazampawfarr.com.

Jaz Ampaw-Farr: Stop chasing approval and get your life back!

Watch the full Unfiltered interview with Speaker of the Year Jaz Ampaw-Farr, in which she reveals how to start being more selfish to take care of yourself as well as others, how to be better at giving and receiving compliments to bring a little sunshine to your daily interactions, and how to deal with bad bosses to neutralise toxic work atmospheres.

Being a people-pleaser often involves saying yes to things you don’t want to do, driven by a desire to avoid conflict or gain approval.

While this may seem harmless, it can be deeply detrimental to both your physical and mental health. Why? Because consistently prioritising others’ needs over your own can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, as you constantly juggle obligations that don’t align with your personal desires.

This constant state of tension can also result in feelings of resentment, as you may feel trapped in a cycle of unfulfilling commitments to family, friends, colleagues and even strangers, which takes a huge toll on the health of your relationships.

Jaz Ampaw-Farr, a three-time Speaker of the Year award winner and highly-sought motivational and leadership coach, describes herself as a “reformed people pleaser” and reveals that the benefits of breaking free from seeking constant approval and acceptance from those around you is truly profound.

Regaining control over your life and commitments frees up time and energy for you to pursue activities that genuinely make you happy. You’ll also have greater motivation to engage in hobbies, spend time with loved ones on your terms and focus on achieving personal goals.

As Jaz explains in our exclusive Unfiltered interview, by saying no to things that drain you you’ll create space for opportunities that align with your true interests and passions.

This mindset shift not only enhances your well-being but also boosts your self-esteem, as you begin to value your own needs and desires. The act of setting boundaries itself can be empowering, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life where your happiness takes precedence.

As she describes, stopping the habit of people-pleasing is not about becoming selfish, but about practising self-care. It’s about recognising that your well-being is just as important as that of those around you. By prioritising yourself, you’ll find a healthier, happier, and more authentic version of yourself, ready to face the world on your own terms.

Listen to our exclusive Unfiltered Extra interview with Jaz Ampaw-Farr on Spotify

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